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I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.
My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!
There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses.

She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.
It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn’t overcome and didn’t really want to overcome.
She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn’t say a word.

She said, “I’m going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me.”
I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door.

I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, “We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn’t ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.

The moral of this story is: “Always keep your condoms in your car.”компютри

On a golf tour in Ireland, Tiger Woods drives his BMW into a petrol station in a remote part of the Irish countryside. The pump attendant obviously knows nothing what-so-ever about golf, greeting him, completely unaware of the identity of the golfing pro.

“Top of the mornin’ to yer, sir,” says the attendant.

Tiger nods a quick “hello” and bends forward to pick up the nozzle.

As he does so, two tees fall out of his shirt pocket onto the ground.

“What are those?” asks the attendant.

“They’re called tees,” replies Tiger.

“Well, what on the good earth are they for?” inquires the Irishman.

“They’re for resting my balls on when I’m driving,” says Tiger.

“Feckin Jaysus,” says the Irishman, “BMW tinks of everything!”

Pay attention on the metaphors*

Daddy was reading a book in the living room while his son was playing with his baby toys next to his feet. After a while dad says to his son

Dad: Son, go tell mommy that daddy wants to wash his clothes in the washing machine.

The son walks in the kitchen where his mom is cooking the dinner,

Son: Mommy mommy, dad said he wants to wash his clothes in the washing machine.
Mom: Sweety, tell daddy that mom is busy cooking right now and that she will wash his clothes later.

The son goes back to his dad and refers what mom told him, dad insists again and tells the son to pass again the same message, so he does. Mommy answers to her son as the previous way.

After a while mom gets what daddy wanted and she calls her son that is playing now in the kitchen.
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A quick question:
If two girls jump from a high building, one is a blonde girl and the other is brunette, which of the two girls would crash in the ground first?

Answer:
The brunette girl. Why?
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This Fluffy, a puppy dog with a real mafia gangsta look. He seems to be the worlds destroyer and it is presumed that he destroyed the Kripton planet (where Superman was born).

A man is getting into the shower as his wife is getting out, when
the doorbell rings. She quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs
downstairs. She opens the door to Bob, the next door neighbour. Before she
says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After
thinking for a moment, she drops it and stands naked in front of Bob. After
a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. Wrapping herself in the towel,
as she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks: “Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next door neighbour” she replies.
“Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he
owes me?”

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with
your shareholders (and Management team), in time, you! may be i

This is a really stupid Dog, and has a really weird way to drink water.

Conan O’Brien at the border as one of the Royal Canadian Mountain Police giving a hand. This is something really funny.

yummie, that stomach was really tempted on the food. Really funny commercial, hope you enjoy it.